In this segment from The Late Show, host Stephen Colbert satirically dissects the disastrous turnout for former President Trump's Father's Day birthday parade, contrasting it sharply with the massive, widespread "No Kings" protests across the United States. Colbert ridicules the parade's empty bleachers, slow military vehicles, corporate sponsorships (including a highly caffeinated "Screaming Freedom" energy drink), and Trump's visibly sad demeanor. He further lampoons a seemingly intoxicated Fox News guest who misidentified Trump as "Dolly Jane Trump." The segment highlights the "No Kings" rallies as the largest protest in U.S. history, with millions attending nationwide, effectively drawing a humorous comparison between the public's reception of the parade versus the protests.
Summarizing "The Late Show" Segment on Trump's Parade and "No Kings" Protests
0:00 - 0:22 Minimal Turnout: Stephen Colbert expresses joy over the reported low attendance at Trump's Father's Day birthday parade, contrasting the White House's claim of 250,000 attendees with the visually empty bleachers.
0:59 - 1:52 Humorous Parade Elements: The segment highlights the parade's lack of grandeur, featuring a slow, squeaky tank mocked for being lapped by a tumbleweed and Joe Biden, and a drone simply held by a person.
2:08 - 2:49 Corporate Sponsorships: Colbert satirizes the parade's perceived waste of taxpayer money by humorously suggesting it was sponsored by companies like Lockheed Martin, UFC, and Coinbase, drawing a facetious historical parallel to FDR's Pearl Harbor speech sponsored by Farmers Insurance.
2:49 - 3:49 "Screaming Freedom" Energy Drink: A new energy drink, "Screaming Freedom," is introduced as a parade sponsor, mocked for its extreme caffeine content and adverse side effects, including making a nursing baby "fly around the room like a balloon."
3:49 - 5:19 Trump's Unhappy Birthday: Trump is depicted as visibly sad during his birthday celebration, and an awkward moment where Melania Trump rejects his attempt to hold her hand is highlighted, leading to a joke about a "thumb warp." Trump is also shown falling asleep during fireworks.
5:22 - 7:27 Drunk Fox News Guest: Colbert ridicules Fox News for bringing on a military expert, Rebecca Coughler, who appears inebriated and mispronounces Donald Trump's name as "Dolly Jane Trump," leading to further comedic commentary.
8:00 - 8:49 Massive "No Kings" Protests: In stark contrast to the sparse parade, an estimated 5 million people are reported to have protested the Trump administration across America in "No Kings" marches, with visuals showing massive crowds.
8:49 - 9:19 Historic Protest Size: The "No Kings" protests are claimed to be the largest in U.S. history, even surpassing historical protests against actual kings, humorously implying Americans are "more against the red hats than the red coats."
9:21 - 10:42 Widespread Participation: Significant attendance is noted in various cities beyond traditional liberal hubs, including 50,000 in New York (mocked with a "brownal" joke), Philadelphia, Dallas, Bowling Green, Tucson, and even a senior home in Utah.
10:42 - 11:17 Creative Protest Signs: The segment showcases several humorous and critical protest signs, including a mock sign suggesting Melania Trump herself was carrying one that called the president "the nastiest stank I've ever met."